Father’s Day is the day we honor dear old dad, but only if we can find him. Good places to look for:  

• At the golf course – in the rough.

• On top of the house – trying to hook up the satellite dish before the game starts.

• At the hardware store, bragging to a total stranger about his kids. 

–––––––––––––––––

Really Need a Glass of Water

Well past his bedtime, A small boy came up to his dad and meekly said, “Daddy, daddy, can I have another glass of water, please?” 

His dad replied, “But I’ve given you 10 glasses of water already, son!” 

The little boy then said, “I know, daddy, but my bedroom is still on fire!”

–––––––––––––––––

Dad’s Day One-Liners

• What is the perfect Father’s Day gift? Taking your mom far away on a vacation with you.

• By tradition, dads wear a red flower on Father’s Day if their father is alive and a white flower if he’s dead. And if they have a nagging wife and a house full of screaming kids, they wear a pink flower – which means they are living but wish they were dead.

• My son wants 50% of my Father’s Day gifts. He says if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t even be a father.

• Once, a teacher asked one of her students, “Mary, do you know what Father’s Day is?” Mary sheepishly replied, “Well, Father’s Day is what’s leftover from Mother’s Day.”

• Dads don’t tend to return their Father’s Day gifts to the exchange counter. This either means that fathers are satisfied with what they got, or they’re too ashamed to let anyone else see what they got.