The Fish Sure Are Biting Today
Sam Venable
Department of Irony
As Marie Antoinette once said, “If the people are too poor to eat fish, let the fish eat them!”
(Oh, wait. I think Miz Marie’s exact quote had something to do with bread, not fish. Or was it cake? Hmm. I distinctly remember she said something about eating, but she was nearly out of her head at the time, so forget I brought it up.)
What we do need to consider, though, is why Americans are shelling out good money to have fish gnaw on their feet? Which is what an estimated 50,000 folks have done—at a rate of $35 for a 15-minute session—in the waters of the Yvonne Hair and Nails salon in Alexandria, Virginia.
Yep, at Yvonne’s, 100 tiny carp will chew the dead skin off your tootsies.
According to a recent Associated Press dispatch, fish pedicures have become quite popular in the D.C. suburb. The process originated in Turkey and has spread to some countries in Asia.
The little beasties doing the work are Garra rufa, or “doctor fish.” They are toothless, so there’s no way they can attack living flesh. Nonetheless, they apparently have quite an appetite for dead, flaky skin—and if you’re into a bowl of dead, flaky Wheaties right now, please accept my deepest apologies. After the fish have dined and loosened the landscape, customers then undergo a standard pedicure.
The AP story quoted several happy customers including KaNin Reese, age 32, of Washington, who said, “It kind of feels like your foot’s asleep.” And Patsy Fisher (who, by the way, has a great last name for a story of this nature), of Crofton, Maryland, who said, “It’s a little ticklish, actually.”
Also quoted was podiatrist Dennis Arnold, who had never heard of the procedure and doubted it would achieve widespread acclaim: “I think most people would be afraid of it.”
Afraid? No, I wouldn’t say that.
We’re talking about a container filled with tiny fish, not black widow spiders, rattlesnakes, snapping turtles or—bleech!—garden slugs. But it does seem incredibly weird to pay to feed fish with your own skin.
Crazier things have happened, of course. If this fad catches on, I’m sure the fishing tackle industry will take note—and maybe bring the idea to full economic and piscatorial circle. Don’t be surprised to see lures featuring human skin on BassPro shelves near you.
But speaking as one who has turned many a finny critter into supper, I thought we were the ones who skinned the fish. Not the other way around.
Sam Venable is an author, comedic entertainer, and humor columnist for the Knoxville (TN) News Sentinel. His latest book is The Joke’s on YOU! (All I Did Was Clean Out My Files).
Contact him at sam.venable@outlook.com.