A Father’s Legacy
Jodi Wallace
Monarch Solid Surface Designs
In 1965 the band The Byrds told us:
To everything
- turn, turn, turn
There is a season
- turn, turn, turn
And a time to every
purpose under heaven
That song has been bouncing around in my head this week as I contemplate and console my husband, whose father passed away a few short days ago.
Raising four children didn’t leave a lot of extra money to do things around the house, and my husband and his brother grew up learning how to build, rework and fix things alongside their father. Throughout the years, my husband has shared stories of projects they worked on: constructing molds, mixing and pouring their own cement with a top layer of aggregate rock, building wood seating areas, working on their cars, fixing leaky plumbing, re-wiring electrical problems. Although my father-in-law worked at the Lawrence Livermore Lab for many years, he was a man who enjoyed working with his hands, fixing and creating. The grandmother clock he built many years ago from a kit (the kind where all the pieces arrived in a box, and had to be assembled from scratch) sits in the hallway. It is a beautiful heirloom made all the more amazing when you realize it was built from hundreds of pieces that arrived in a box.
My father-in-law taught his sons to work hard, do their best, be honest, buy the right tools for the right job, and if you are going to do something, make sure you do it the right way.
Many years after everyone was grown and out of the house, my in-laws slowly began to remodel their home with my father-in-law doing most of the work. Although he would hire help when he needed it, most things he enjoyed doing himself. He had an engineer’s Type A brain and I can’t think of anything he couldn’t build or do himself.
From installing simple baseboards and crown molding, to laying tile, enlarging doorways, fixing plumbing, installing new insulation, rewiring fixtures, designing and building a deck, roof repairs – he could do it all. And if he didn’t know how, the solution was only a book-read away. This was before you could look things up online, although with the invention of the Internet, he found it a great source of information as well!
When my in-laws decided it was finally time to replace the old front doors, they realized that new ones — especially the prefinished stained doors they liked — were very expensive. But if you bought a set of bare wood front doors and finished them yourself, the price was much more palatable.
And that is exactly what they did. My father-in-law painstakingly worked on the finish for weeks, staining and then sanding in between each layer of stain, then carefully applying multiple finishing coats of Varathane, taking his time until the rich, stained finish was just perfect, smooth as glass and ready to install. They say doors are the guardians of a home, and these beautiful sentinels stand ready to welcome all who enter.
The care my father-in-law took was evident in everything he did, and he set a good example for my husband. Nail holes in wood must always be filled and sanded smooth before being painted or stained. Baseboards and crown are not finished until all gaps between the wood and walls are filled in with silicone. My father-in-law took great care figuring out the details, whether it was building garden boxes for my mother-in-law, or designing and building a pergola. Every screw in each board of the large backyard deck was carefully countersunk and meticulously smoothed so there were no rough spots.
The skills my husband learned from his father growing up have served him well. It has enabled him to work on projects in our home and help my daughter and son-in-law on their remodeling of the fixer-upper they purchased. Although our son and soon-to-be daughter-in-law’s new home won’t need a lot of work, he will be there to help them as well.
My father-in-law imparted to his children that there is always a right way to do things. These passed-down skills and knowledge allowed us to take a blind leap of faith and jump feet first into starting and running our own business, with no prior working experience in the field, but with an absolute faith in my husband’s ability to work with his hands, troubleshoot problems and visualize solutions. These skills were passed down from my husband’s grandfather to his father, from his father to him, and from Ken to our son.
Even up until the last few weeks, my husband would still call his dad if there was a question on how to do something. His dad was his best reference source and always just a phone call away. Those of us who have experienced loss know it isn’t the big things that catch you off guard, but the small, simple ones such as picking up the phone to call and ask a question.
………
As we drove home the morning of his dad’s passing, my husband looked at me with tears in his eyes and asked, “Who do I call when I need help?” He realized he had now become the patriarch of his family.
I smiled and told him “Now YOUR son will be the one calling you.”
The everyday things we teach our children become the life skills they will keep and pass down to their children.
Life is short – share the things you enjoy and treasure with those you love, because one day, those will be the things your children will remember most.
Jodi Wallace is the owner of Monarch Solid Surface Designs in San Jose, California. She volunteers as a Disaster Responder for the American Red Cross.