Carmen Ghia

Dept. of Helpful Trivia

Because we firmly believe in the philosophy of Have More Fun at Work, we bring you the following public service announcement. Do your part to eliminate the boring from the home and workplace!

* Hello. I’m available right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.

*Hi, this is… [insert your name here.]  If you’re part of the problem, hang up now. If you’re part of the solution, leave a message.

*Please leave a message.  However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by me.

*Hi. I’m probably home.  I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like.  Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s probably you.

*Hello, you have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the tone.

Hi, this is [your name].  I’m sorry, I can’t answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. Seriously – I mean it!

*Hello, this is… [insert your name here.] I’m not home right now, but I can take a message.  Hang on a second while I get a pencil. (Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around, making noise. Drop a pan or two. Be noisy.) … Okay, what would you like me to tell me?

*Hello, this is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what. And you know when to do it.

*Please leave your name and a brief message at the tone. It’s just a nicer way of saying, “Who the heck are you, and what do you want with me?”

*[Your name’s] voicemail is broken.  This is his refrigerator speaking. Please speak very slowly and clearly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

*Hi There! You know what I hate about voicemail messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, “We aren’t in, leave a message.”  That’s why I’ve decided to keep mine simple and short.  I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long, frustrating, rambling answering machine message when you call me. You can be sure I’ll give your message the full attention it warrants! By the way, how are you today? The weather sure is beautiful! That’s probably why I’m not here, just in case you wanted to know. I hope you have a nice day, too!

*I can’t come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don’t remember. I’d appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself.  Thanks!

*Hi, I’m sorry I couldn’t come to the phone, but if you hop 3 times, spin around, touch your nose and say your name, then leave me a message after the beep, I’ll get back to you as soon as I stop laughing...

*Voicemail…  Speak now. Thanks.