• The garage is all yours. 
  • Your last name stays put. 
  • Wedding plans take care of themselves. 
  • Wedding dress $5,000. Tux rental $100. 
  • Chocolate is just another snack. 
  • You can never be pregnant. 
  • You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can even go topless to a water park. 
  • Car mechanics will tell you the truth. 
  • You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is “just too icky.” 
  • You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. 
  • Wrinkles add character.
  • People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them. 
  • The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. 
  • New shoes don’t cut, blister, or otherwise mangle your feet. 
  • You pretty much have one mood most of the the time. 
  • Phone conservations are over in 30 seconds flat. 
  • A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase. 
  • You can open all of your own jars. 
  • You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 
  • If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. 
  • Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. 
  • Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. 
  • You never have strap problems in public. 
  • You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. 
  • Everything on your face stays its original color. 
  • The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades. 
  • You only have to shave your face and neck. 
  • You can play with toys all your life. 
  • Your belly usually hides your big hips. 
  • One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color for all seasons. 
  • You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. 
  • You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife. 
  • You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. 
  • You can complete all your Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24, in 25 minutes.