Richard Pierce Thomas

Leadership and Small Business Consultant

Our work as advisors often takes us into many types of businesses. And we find a common condition prevails where an owner or principal is isolated and doesn’t have a go-to person to lean on when their help is needed most.               

I have experienced this at times, especially when I was a lone practitioner in my consulting business and it was very challenging to know which way to turn. If you don’t have a go-to, knowing who to turn to can be even more problematic, and to best illustrate this I’ll share my son’s recent experience of searching for a college apartment.

My son has been interning this summer in Southern Oregon while he prepares to enter his junior year at the University of Washington in Seattle. As fall term has been approaching he has been discussing housing with a couple of his roommates from last year. They got off to a good start compiling their wish lists, with one of them being especially particular about what would, or wouldn’t work. While the two future roommates lived in Seattle, my son is five hours away in Corvallis, OR. Guess who ends up being the one doing the bulk of the legwork? You guessed it…my son.

He has spent countless hours researching Craigslist, only to have one apartment after another shot down because they didn’t fit the demands of the others. As recently as last week he drove to Seattle and spent the entire weekend going door-to-door for apartments, and again only to have them crossed off the list for one reason after another by the other two. 

When he was just about to give up, he found an ideal listing – a newly remodeled home, within their price range and about a half mile from campus. To my son’s relief, the others agreed and he submitted the application, unsure it would be accepted given the numerous other applications the landlord had received. He was elated when he received the call that theirs was chosen and relieved that things were finally turning out, until he received the email the next day indicating the landlord had reversed their decision. 

Why? Because when the other two roommates showed up to pay the deposit, they shared with the landlord that the house was actually their last choice, a little too far from campus and complained that the utilities seemed a bit high given what other landlords were charging. 

All the effort my son had extended was undone in a ten-minute conversation. Worse, now he is back to square one with only three weeks until school starts and no place to live.

Needless to say, this is what we call an SLO (significant learning opportunity), and as I explained to him on the phone it is a tough but valuable lesson to learn. 

“You need to know who’s got your back,” I told him.

“Yeah, but how do I know if they do, or not?” he replied.

Fair enough. It’s not always easy to tell but if he was honest about the way things were going leading up to losing the apartment, he’d have recognized that the writing was on the wall. His roommates were never going to be satisfied. 

It strikes me how relevant my son’s roommate experience is to issues in leadership. In many cases, relationships in business are formed out of financial opportunity and convenience rather than on mutual values and commitment to a common cause. 

The challenge in understanding the difference is it takes getting to know someone really, really well first, before you truly understand the nature of his or her character. Especially when your back is turned. Because that is when it matters most – when you are not around to speak for your interests. 

Do the people around you have your best interests in mind? Or have the signals been showing up that they are out for their own self-interests? The sooner the better in acknowledging it and starting a conversation about how to proceed in building some sense of working trust, or find someone else who shares your values. As my son is learning, being stranded at the least opportune moment is a tough time to figure this out.

Rick Thomas is a Principal and Director of Human Capital at Pilot Wealth Management, a registered investment advisor in Oregon state. Leading their focus on the human component of building wealth, he consults and speaks to organizations across the country, focusing on individual and organizational achievement.