- As a blunt object to fend off your pesky cousins.

- As a projectile to throw at the TV after a parade commentator says, "Aren't they a wonderful band!" for the 25th time.

- As a hood ornament.

- As a disguise so your ugly Aunt Beatrice can't grab you and kiss you and say, "How much you've grown!"

- As a football for the after-meal game.

- One word: Bowling!

- As yet another object to drop from the top of the dorm to test the range of the splatter upon impact.

- If you're flying home, take the carcass as a carry-on. See what it looks like in the X-ray machine. Better yet, put it in a pet carrier and asked the flight attendant for some chicken feed.

- As a gift/bribe for a professor.

- As a Christmas gift. (Avoid the holiday crowds this way!)

- As a doorstop to keep your relatives out.

- Makes a great doggie chew toy.

- Fill it with whip cream -- watch the fun.

- An unexplored cavern for the new Barbie.

- A visual aid to explain to children where babies come from.

- Wear as a helmet, declaring, "I'm TURKEYMAN!"

- Before serving, paste feathers on the poor naked creature.

- Place a speaker inside the bird, and from another room, amaze your guests with this amazing talking fowl!

- Throw the turkey out the window yelling, "You're Free! Fly! Fly!"

- Two words: Turkey puppet!

- Toss the carcass into a turkey farm to intimidate next year's stock.

- Attach to a fishing pole in the back of a pickup, slowly drive around the neighborhood and see how many dogs follow you.

- From a concealed location, toss in front of a passing car. When they stop, run out screaming that they hit your dog!

- Pretend you're at a murder mystery retreat, and question all the dinner guests in an attempt to discover who killed the "guest of honor."

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