PLAYBOOK: Also known as a cookbook, to be kept in plain sight at all times. If the book gets moved, the game could get ugly.

OFFSIDES: Silverware is to be set next to the plates... off to the side, not tossed in the middle of the table in a heap, for all to scramble for.

GAME TIME: This is when the food must all be on the table, at the same time, at the same temperature (preferably hot) so that the "teams" may meet at the arena (table) for the coach to say the prayer.

TEAM SPIRIT: That which shall be upheld until the END of the game. When the coach (hostess) has heard the fat lady sing (Aunt Martha saying that she's had enough to eat).

COMMERCIAL BREAKS: There will be NONE for you, until the hostess deems them totally necessary for her sanity, when you have made her crazy!

PENALTIES: Will be given if there is no team spirit showing and the game time is DELAYED, or offsides have occurred due to a certain "televised" football game engaging your attention!

HOLDING: May be necessary of several large bowls, so that the hostess may pour gravy without staining her new silk blouse. And keep in mind, she is HOLDING the TV remote for ransom.

TOUCHDOWNS: Please make them gentle when bowls are being touched down on the table, do not spike them, do not dance when the mission is complete!

FLAG ON THE PLAY: When something is spilled, PLEASE by all means throw a towel down on it and mop it up!

RUSHING: What we will be doing a lot of!

and last but not least...

GROOMING THE FIELD: If you help her through this meal, as you know you will, she will promise to RECRUIT new players for the clean up and YES... in plenty of time for you to enjoy the REAL GAME!

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