Being a father has as many rewards as it does penalties, but the sheer experience is unmatched by any other in the world. Of course, with time comes wisdom, and here is a vocabulary to help explain some of those lessons learned:

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the children would care to order a dessert.

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full Name: What you call your child when you're angry with him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Independent: How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into.

Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Whodunit: None of the children who live in your house.

Bottle-feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am.

Vegetable Extract: The procedure of removing a bean from a small nose or ear.

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