Page 20 - Demo

20 | September 2024
Slippery Rock Gazette
The Slippery Rock Marketplace
My New “Cup” Came Close to Running Over
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Sam Venable
Department of Irony
Technology is not my strong suit. Never has been. Never will be.
I have little use for any gadget, contrivance, device or invention more complicated to operate than a hammer. Indeed, I’m often tempted to take a hammer to the afore- mentioned contraptions when they refuse to behave.
Part of the problem is my mental wiring.
Men are supposed to emerge from the womb with instinctive knowledge of how things work and how to fix them when they quit working. Not in my case. That strand of DNA got lost in the shuffle.
It’s just the opposite with my wife.
Mary Ann was born with a computer chip for a brain. If she can’t decipher a technical issue by rote, she resorts to written instructions, how-to diagrams and other voodoo.
We make an ideal pair in this regard. I throw my hands into the air after spending 30 minutes of maddening, cursing attempts. She calmly solves the problem in 30 seconds.
What’s more, I’ve been known to glance at modern thingamajigs and misidentify them. Once, I picked up a TV remote and attempted to make a phone call on it.
No joke. I swear on a stack of semiconductors this is true. It occurred at my daughter’s house in front of a half- dozen nerdy, high-tech witnesses, any of whom can, and will upon request, recount the story in riotous detail.
But that incident pales compared to what happened one day last week. The fact that I cross-my-heart-and-hope- to-die vouch for its truth — much less confess it in pub- lic — proves I have neither high-tech intellect nor one shred of shame.
Please turn to page 22
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