Page 20 - Demo

20 | November 2024
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A Warm Round of Applause for ‘Exothermic Oxidation’
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Continued from page 14
When I was a kid, “cigarette lighter” hand warmers were all the rage. You know, those flat, shiny metal cases tucked inside a red velvet pouch. The hateful things were a pain to keep stoked with fluid. They were difficult to ignite in the wind. They stunk like the dickens. And if a lit one ever slipped out of the pouch and touched bare skin, it felt like you’d just been brushed by a glowing horseshoe fresh from the forge.
Not so these days. I don’t care how many pairs of gloves and mittens you own or how much high-tech, waterproof fiber they contain; when it’s big-time cold, gloves and mit- tens won’t do a complete job unless used in tandem with good ol’ “exothermic oxidation.”
Don’t take my word for it. Ask anybody who ventures outdoors from first frost to spring thaw, for work or for play. If I’m hunting or fishing during cold weather, I’d rather leave guns or tackle at home than hand warmers. How in the name of Daniel Boone did we ever exist with- out them?
Of course, “big-time cold” here in the South means anything from 38 degrees above zero Fahrenheit down to minus-100 degrees Celsius — and let us pause for a moment so ice-fishing and snow-snowmobiling Yankee readers can laugh their frozen heads off and call us wimps. We’ll return the favor when those same Yankee readers melt and moan about “big-time hot” when both the tem- perature and humidity are pushing 90. So there.
Sam Venable is an author, comedic entertainer, and humor columnist for the Knoxville (TN) News Sentinel. His latest book is “The Joke’s on YOU! (All I Did Was Clean Out My Files).” He may be reached at [email protected].
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