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slippery rock gAzette
The Stone Detective
August 2021|19
Like a Rollin’ Stone: Bob Dylan Album Returned 48 Years Late
After nearly five decades of blowin’ in the wind, a dou- ble Bob Dylan album finally has a direction home: A man living in San Francisco has mailed the vintage vinyl back to an Ohio library 48 years after it was sup- posed to be returned.
Howard Simon recently sent the album along with a letter to Heights Libraries apologizing for his tardiness, according to a news release from the library system outside Cleveland.
Simon checked out Dylan’s “Self Portrait” album in 1973 as an eighth-grader at a University Heights middle school. Simon says he found it between two other Dylan albums in his per- sonal vinyl collection.
“As a recent retiree, I am taking the opportunity to turn my atten- tion to some of the many vignettes of life that by dint of career and
family have been neglected these many years,” Simon wrote. “I am returning with the letter an over- due item by my count, approxi- mately 17,480 days overdue as of this writing.”
His letter says the album cover is a little battered after traveling with him from University Heights to San Francisco with various stops in between, but the library says the records themselves re- main in “great shape.”
Simon also sent the library a $175 replacement fee for “Self Portrait” along with an album he recorded, “Western Reserve,” for possible inclusion in the library’s collection.
The library bore no hard feel- ings, or sense that Simon wasted their precious time, essentially telling him in the press release don’t think twice; it’s all right.
“The funny thing about this is that we don’t charge overdue fines anymore–as long as we get the item back, we see no need to penalize people,” branch man- ager Sara Phillips was quoted as saying. “We’re grateful that Mr. Simon returned the record. I’d said we can now call it even.”
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I grabbed my test kit and my tool box and walked over to greet him. He pointed at the old Woody, and smiled and shook his head. We bumped elbows and we headed inside. He led me through what seemed like a museum. We walked by all kinds of statues and weird, modern sculptures.
However, the bath looked like it was done in the 1950s, includ- ing the pink tile and pink toilet and sink. Brought me back to my childhood. He opened the shower door and right away I smelled a familiar odor. At that point I had my suspicions on what the issue could be. I turned around and asked him where the moisture was coming from. He led me out of the bath and around the cor- ner to a long hallway. On the wall right opposite the shower was a dark spot. I pulled out my mois- ture meter to verify it was wet, and it was off the scale. I rubbed my chin and commented that it sure would be nice to see be- hind this wall. He smiled and said it was my lucky day, since they
were going to tear the walls out today. “Great,” I said. “Can we start here?” as I was pointing to the suspected moisture area.
He motioned to one of his men who was standing there watching my inspection to start tearing the wall out. His guy took a sledge hammer and put a big hole in the drywall. I asked him to stop, took out my flashlight, and what I saw is what I expected to see. In the wall space was a little piece of waterproof membrane and some rat droppings.
I looked down at the droppings and pointed, and said, “You dirty rat! You’re the guy that killed my shower!” The guy with the sledgehammer gave me a blank look. I guess you would have to be a James Cagney buff to get the reference.
Anyway, you’ve probably guessed it – the rats were chew- ing into the liner, creating a small leak. My prescription was to tear out the shower and redo it, but first call an exterminator to get rid of the rats.
Another case solved for this
crazy ole stone detective. You know, that makes two significant rat incidents in one day... I won- der if this is the year of the rat?
The Stone Detective is a fic- tional character created by Dr. Frederick M. Hueston, PhD, writ- ten to entertain and educate. Dr. Fred has written over 33 books on stone and tile installations, fabri- cation and restoration and also serves as an expert for many legal cases across the world. Fred has also been writing for the Slippery Rock Gazette for over 20 years.
Send your comments to f hueston@stoneforensics.com.
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